Home Lifestyle Throuple applying to become legal parents of daughter and son

Throuple applying to become legal parents of daughter and son

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Mitch, Benjamin and Ben have been a throuple since 2018 (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

A throuple already parenting their two children as a trio have applied to all be recognised as their legal dads.

Ben Rolam, a director of sales and education, 38, and his long-term boyfriend, Mitch, a manager of account development, 38, had always discussed bringing a third person into their relationship.

Then, after 12 years together, they found their perfect match on a gay cruise in 2018 – 36-year-old entrepreneur Benjamin.

The trio, who live together in Los Angeles, California, now all share the same last name after getting spiritually married, and have a two-year-old adopted daughter, Tegan, and a six-month-old surrogate son, Bowie.

Benjamin and Mitch are currently the legal parents of Tegan and Bowie, but the throuple are in the process of getting Ben recognised too.

Day-to-day, all three share baby duties equally and sleep in the same bed, with a rotation of which partner looks after Bowie which Ben says ‘really works’ for their family.

Mitch and Ben (left and right) met Benjamin (middle) on a gay cruise and felt an ‘instant connection’ (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

Despite their unconventional setup, they’ve thankfully not received any negative comments about their relationship – even when enrolling Tegan into a traditional Methodist preschool, they received nothing but ‘open mindedness’ from staff.

Ben, Mitch and Benjamin are also now planning to launch their own surrogacy and adoption consultancy to help other throuples have a ‘good experience’ like them, after receiving numerous messages from polyamorous people asking for advice.

‘I think that for us, it’s always been a new way of living and creating a family so I’m sure there’s a lot more people that would probably go this route or have an interest in (being added to a birth certificate),’ said Ben. ‘We can hopefully create a pathway for other people to be able to do this as well.’

Mitch added: ‘We want people to have access to both pathways to parenthood.’

They adopted Tegan in 2022 (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

It was around three years after meeting in 2006 at an LGBTQ+ community event that Ben and Mitch began talking about adding a third person to their relationship, an idea which came to fruition when they got to know Benjamin andfelt an ‘instant connection’.

Benjamin ended the relationship he was in at the time and began dating Ben and Mitch, but hadn’t yet come out to his family – so, not only did he have to tell his loved ones he was gay, he also had to reveal he was in a throuple.

They took the news ‘surprisingly well’, and it’s largely been smooth sailing for the trio ever since, which Ben and Mitch put down to the fact they’d had time to go through every scenario beforehand.

The following year they welcomed Bowie to their family using a surrogate agency (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

In July 2019, Ben and Mitch proposed to Benjamin at San Diego Pride, and two months later, they had a spiritual wedding in Hawaii. Three years later, Benjamin and Mitch legally changed their last names to Rolam, taking Ben’s surname, and over time, the throuple decided they would love to start a family.

After little success with an adoption agency, through which they only had three mums show interest in them in two years, in December 2021 they hired a website developer and lawyer to advertise themselves as a throuple looking to adopt.

They started to get 30 to 40 women reaching out weekly, and by March 2022, they found Tegan, their baby daughter.

The trio split parenting duties equally (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

More recently, on December 4, 2023, the trio welcomed another baby into their lives, Bowie, using a surrogacy agency in Mexico which was half the price of what they’d have had to pay in the US.

Ben said: ‘The agencies are actually very open minded, like when we did the adoption, and they were just very excited.

‘A lot of the questions were like, “How are you choosing whose semen to use?” But nothing was negative, and then when we talked to the surrogates, they were always so happy.’

Throughout 2022, Mitch and Benjamin provided sperm, and Benjamin’s finally resulted in a positive pregnancy test with an anonymous donor’s egg in March 2023.

They’ve thankfully had no negativity from those around them (Picture: Collect/PA Real Life)

Near the due date, in December 2023, they all moved to Mexico City for about two months, to sort out the paperwork and be near the surrogate.

Mitch said: ‘We were very excited, he was a little early, but was healthy.’

‘Everybody was very excited – my sister and her husband came to visit us in Mexico City for two weeks, and then Benjamin’s mother moved in with us for a little over three months,’ added Ben.

Now the priority is ensuring they’re all mentioned on their children’s birth certificates, which the three parents hope will provide ‘security in the future’ for Tegan and Bowie.

They post about their family life on Instagram, under the handle @gaythrouple, sharing relationship advice and tips on how to start a family as a trio, with a number of people getting in touch for their outlook.

Looking to the future, Mitch said: ‘We have a lot of friends that reached out to us about surrogacy and people that we’ve never met.

‘So we are going to start our own surrogacy and adoption consultancy where we can refer people so they can have a good experience like us.’

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