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I’m done being punished, when will it be my turn to have a boyfriend?

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Ryan summed up how a lot of single people feel right now (Picture: TikTok/ryanspencer51)

Every single person has heard it before: learn to love yourself, then you’ll find your soul mate.

It implies that, if you work hard, become successful, go to the gym and protect your mental health, you’ll stumble upon that relationship you so desperately want.

So how come there’s so many fabulous singletons out there – who have ‘done the work’ – but haven’t found ‘The One’?

About 91% of single men and 94% of single women all feel like dating and finding their person is near on impossible.

Ryan Spencer, a young single woman, took to TikTok in a brilliantly unfiltered rant which summed up how frustrating it can be when you want love, but can’t find it.

In the clip which now has nearly 600,000 views, she sat crying in her car, questioning when it was going to be ‘her turn’ to find a partner.

‘Quick question. Are you f**king kidding me? Like I am so sick and tired of just everything, right now,’ she says.

Ryan explains that she just wants love in her life ‘so badly’ and that she’s ‘over’ not having it, especially because she’s done so much work on herself.



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‘I have built a beautiful life for myself. I’m happy with my life where I’m at, my job, I’m successful, I’m independent, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been,’ she continues.

‘I take such good care of myself – truly the only thing I’m missing in my life is someone to enjoy it with. I’m so sick of waiting…

‘What more do I have to do to fix myself before I’m just allowed to be happy? Before I’m allowed to meet this soul mate person that God supposedly has for me?

‘I feel like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do.’

Unsurprisingly, Ryan’s 6,000 TikTok comments were filled with those who felt exactly the same way.

Ashley Shaw said: ‘Worst one for me is “oooh it will happen when you least expect it”.’

‘MAN I feel this! I’m tired of everyone saying, “Find what makes you happy! Go take a pottery class, volunteer, go for a hike…” No. What will make me happy is to have someone to do life with,’ wrote Hayley.

‘And the people who say stop looking so hard have a spouse, so I resonate,’ said another, while someone else added: ‘I’m in the same exact boat. And I hate when someone says “all you need is self love”… I have that, but it doesn’t replace love from someone else.’

Ryan is fed up of waiting for the love of her life and wants it to be her turn to find a partner (Picture: ryanspencer51)

Other TikTokers were quick to share their thoughts on Ryan’s video too, with Chanté Joseph sharing her insightful response.

‘I think it makes people who are in relationships seem as if they are better than single people, because they have achieved something, due to them working on themselves,’ she says.

‘It makes single people feel inadequate because they haven’t become self actualised or they’re not going to the gym six times a week.



Psychologist: ‘You’re doing just fine’

Psychologist Emma Kenny says it’s perfectly normal to feel defeated.

She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Society often places enormous pressure on us to couple up, as if being in a relationship is the pinnacle of success.

‘It’s incredibly frustrating. You’re doing all the right things, hitting the gym, pursuing your passions, practicing self-care, yet you’re still single.

‘It can feel like you’re in some twisted game where the relationship prize is just out of reach, no matter how hard you try.’

But Emma says it’s important not to let this frustration overshadow everything else that is good in life, and to ‘focus on balance and contentment’ within yourself.

‘You deserve to be the best version of you,’ Emma adds. ‘Not because you’re waiting for a relationship as a reward. Celebrate your journey, and know that you’re doing just fine.’

‘All that stuff is a bunch of crap. People need to understand this stuff is luck.’

She also makes the point that some of the ‘worst people’ she knows are in relationships.

While the situation may seem bleak, the take away is this: you are enough but it’s okay to feel defeated.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].


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