Home Lifestyle My partner’s proposal was so disappointing — now I resent him

My partner’s proposal was so disappointing — now I resent him

17
0

Libby expected more effort (Picture: Getty Images)

‘I thought it was a joke until I saw the ring,’ said Libby* after getting engaged two days ago.

The 35-year-old has been with her partner for 12 years. While the first five years of their relationship were ‘toxic’ the pair sorted their differences, raised their kids together, and now believe they’re a ‘strong’ couple.

‘We have been wanting to get engaged for years, but didn’t have the money to actually have a wedding,’ she said.

But recently, Libby got a good job, and started hoping for a ring. She had always thought the waterfront where the couple met would be an easy – and free – way for her partner to make their engagement romantic and thoughtful.

But, when he finally did propose, it was nothing like she’d imagined.

The pair had chosen to celebrate their 12th anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. Libby has planned their anniversary dinner, choosing a restaurant opposite the famous Bellagio fountains – a romantic setting if ever there was one.

Libby hoped for a thoughtful waterfront proposal (Picture: Getty Images)

But her partner waited until the pair were back in their hotel room, eating takeaway frozen yoghurt, to ask the all-important question.

‘As I am about to sit down to eat my froyo, [he] says “I’ve been trying to do this all day”… then says will you marry me, and gives me the ring.

‘My ring is nothing like we discussed. It’s a beautiful ring but it’s falling off my finger, the setting for the centre stone is about 3/4 inch high for what reason,’ she says.

‘It took everything within me that night to not cry… since then, I have been filled with sadness.

‘I [resent] that he one, has taken 12 years to propose and two, he just never does anything unless I hold his hand through exactly what to do. I lead everything and this was the one thing that he had to do on his own.’

While her partner chose to ‘wing’ the proposal so it would ‘be a surprise’, Libby doesn’t have a single picture of the night and is upset with his lack of planning and thought.

‘Can this man do anything without me?’ she asks.

But while Libby might feel hopeless, dating and relationship expert, Hayley Quinn, tells Metro.co.uk that there is a way back from this for the couple.

She says: ‘The proposal (or lack of one) here seems to be symbolic of the woman’s unmet needs and expectations over the course of their relationship.

‘Whilst other couples without this undercurrent of resentment may have been able to laugh off a low-effort proposal, for this woman it’s come to represent her relationship overall.

‘This includes her frustration at always being “the planner”.’

But Hayley says she may be judging her partner a little harshly.

‘We have an ideal that the male partner in a relationship is the one who should take a leadership role at key romantic moments; from asking you out on a date to proposing,’ Hayley explains.

‘However, for many men this isn’t their natural personality. Good relationships are often built on appreciation. Her husband may give to the relationship in other ways, by being a stable, kind and a good father, for example.

She explains: ‘Not all romance is big gestures, sometimes it’s bringing someone a cup of tea in bed, or taking the kids out for a day to give the other partner a break. Consider whether your partner is trying to meet your needs in other ways.’

In order to work through the disappointing proposal, Hayley says it’s all aboutcommunication.

‘She needs to clearly explain what her expectations were and be prepared to accept that her husbands proposal fell short.

‘If he’s able to hear out her frustrations, and provide her with reassurance, this may help to soften her feelings.

‘The other step she can take is one of radical acceptance, “my husband to be is not romantic and that’s okay. I’m comfortable with what he does contribute to the relationship.”

‘This approach won’t be for everyone, but it would be a good next step to take if the woman’s committed to staying in the relationship.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].


MORE : Is your date ‘paper clipping’ you? Avoid getting bent out of shape by the latest toxic trend


MORE : Netflix viewers horrified by documentary they say ‘shamelessly promotes cheating and infidelity’


MORE : I met my partner when he was 28 and I was 40 — we’re still together three decades later



Source

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here