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I was having a great time with my sex toy… until it disappeared

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I can now laugh openly at my disastrous experiences (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)

‘Oh god, it’s disappeared,’ I said, panicked.

I then looked over my shoulder at my lover, who was kneeling behind me, and he looked equally shocked.

We were in the middle of sex when he suggested that we use the purple clitoral ‘bullet’ vibrator that I own elsewhere on my body to spice things up a bit. 

Seconds into him playing with me, disaster struck.

Due to overuse of lubricant, the toy slipped and was now, somehow, stuck inside my bottom.

My partner initially thought it had dropped onto the bed, but I knew better.

As I felt my coccyx vibrating, all I could think about was if I would become one of those stories doctors tell each other about the funniest A&E patients they’ve ever had.

Or, more unnervingly, whether the toy would burrow its way further up into my body.

I was in my early 20s when this unfortunate incident took place, and I was mortified. 

Trials and tribulations are valuable learning experiences (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)

The embarrassment lingered for years to come. Up until this day, I’ve only told a handful of friends the details.

But I’m choosing to share this now because the only way to accept that sex toy mishaps are normal is to talk about the cringe-worthy things that happen to us. That way, we can learn from each other’s mistakes and laugh at them, together. 

A study by Lovehoney reported that one in three Brits have suffered some form of sex injury, which resulted in carpet burn, bruises, pulled muscles and more.

I’d bet good money that the real figure is much higher because most people don’t like talking about things like this, but it’s imperative that we do. Only then will we remove the stigma.

The thing is, sex isn’t always perfect. While losing a sex toy up my bum might be the most dramatic example, I’ve had plenty of things go wrong. 

There was the time my beau and I engaged in foreplay shortly after he’d cooked dinner for us. A meal for which he’d chopped multiple chillies. 

It took an hour to calm my poor vulva and vagina, which were on fire from the heat.

Or the time a then-boyfriend surprised me with a silver pair of handcuffs, knowing I’d wanted to give this fantasy a try for some time. 

You won’t catch me putting a clitoral stimulator anywhere near my bum again (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)

While in the throes of passion, he accidentally grabbed my wrist and the handcuffs tightened – a lot. My arm quickly began to throb and I shouted at my lover to get the keys, but the lock was jammed.

The pain wasn’t so bad but the panic I felt was horrifying.

My thoughts began to spiral as I wondered if I’d cause real damage to my arm, which had turned a disturbing shade of red from the struggle.

In the end, my ex had to get the toolbox and a set of pliers to remove the handcuffs

I’m not trying to scare you. But I do want you to know that these things happen, and it’s OK.

Yes, these ordeals might have been slightly traumatising, but the important thing is that I didn’t let them stop me from experimenting in the future. 

Because, let’s be honest, sex can be amazing. And sex toys are tools to enhance or explore pleasure – so long as they are used correctly.

You won’t catch me putting a clitoral stimulator anywhere near my bum again, but I’m never going to shy away from using toys as they’re meant to be used. 

In fact, I’ve found these trials and tribulations to be valuable learning experiences. 

A few years after my first handcuffs encounter, I tried using a pair (this time, they were lined with a fluffy material, which was softer on the skin). I got flashbacks and felt I couldn’t relax properly, which helped me determine that I just wasn’t a fan.

But although handcuffs are still a no-go, that instance led me to discover that I prefer silk rope – which is much easier to remove. 

All this is to say that, if you’ve been on the end of an embarrassing sex mistake, you should try not to let this ruin your good time. It’s natural to feel a bit scared after an accident but if you let this hold you back, it could affect your mental and sexual wellbeing, as well as your future pleasure.

It’s only by trying our way that we can find out what we like, and sometimes that means taking the bad with the good. 

The toy came out after just a few minutes (Picture: Rachel Adams 2023)

The best way to prevent bedroom mistakes might not be super sexy, but it is super effective. 

Read product instructions, do a bit of research if you’re opting for an item you’ve never tried before, and consider asking a professional for advice.

If talking to someone feels too difficult, there are plenty of articles online that can assist you as well, but stick to reputable sites only. 

And if things do go wrong, don’t be afraid to seek help from a doctor. Trust me, they’ve seen it all before.

As for what happened with the ill-fated bullet, my partner offered to help ‘dig’ it out but the idea of him doing this or watching me attempt it was more than I could handle, so – with a lump in my throat – I ran to the bathroom.

Thankfully, after praying to the gods of gravity, the toy came out after just a few minutes (and was thrown straight into the bin).

Physically speaking, I was fine and though it was a very stressful situation, I don’t look at sex toys with fear. 

In fact, I find I can now laugh openly at my disastrous experiences. 

But I have to warn you: When the horn hits and you reach for the goodie drawer, take a moment to think about how to stay safe.

You’ll thank me later.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]

Share your views in the comments below.


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