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My boyfriend begged to go down on me — then he came straight back up

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Her boyfriend then proceeded to just use his fingers to ‘finish her off’ (picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

‘My boyfriend had been pestering me to go down on me, like all the time,’ said Rae.

The young woman took to Reddit after an awkward sexual encounter with her boyfriend had left her feeling like she disappointed him and she didn’t ‘taste great’.

Rae continued: ‘He had never done that to a woman before and he was majorly excited about it. I am pretty insecure about doing that, but eventually I just was like “alright fine, go ahead”.

‘He got down there said that “it looked pretty”, but then he took two licks and came right back up.’

After her boyfriend stopped giving Rae oral, he said nothing to her and continued to just use his fingers to ‘finish [her] off’.

Rae instantly began to jump to conclusions. She added: ‘Obviously I don’t taste so great. He didn’t even have to say anything to get that point across.’

Oral sex can make people feel particularly self conscious (Picture: Getty Images/Image Source)

After seeing the classic tips online about eating pineapple to make you taste sweeter – of which there is no actual scientific proof – she took to the social media forum in hopes of some tips.

But how can you remedy such an awkward sexual experience? Most of us have had one at some point or another, even though sounds, smells and fetishes are nothing to be ashamed of.

Sex expert, Dr Limor Gottleib, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Facing a partner’s rejection for sex can be unsettling, and can often trigger doubts about one’s desirability but it’s crucial to understand that the issue may not be related to attraction.

‘To remedy an awkward oral experience in your relationship, open communication is key. Address the situation honestly and tactfully, expressing your feelings and concerns, then focus on understanding each other’s perspectives and be receptive to feedback.

‘For women, the feeling of being desired is like an orgasm, so having and making communication about desire is vital.’

So coming clean and talking about your insecurity is definitely favourable over eating pineapple, but why do these awkward encounters have such a big impact on our confidence?

Talking about each sexual experience can be an opportunity for deeper connection (Picture: Getty Images/Maskot)

Research on young women’s experiences with oral sex shows worries about their appearance, societal standards and pressure to perform all contribute to us internalising these expectations, Dr Limor explains, thus contributing to our vulnerability.

She adds: ‘My tip for women, especially young women, is to build their confidence and sexual self-efficacy in navigating oral sex experiences. Research shows that confidence is linked to the ability to say “no” to unwanted experiences, express one’s desires, and maintain authenticity in relationships.’



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According to the expert, research actually shows that men don’t care that much and tend to report more positive sexual experiences and increased sexual desire regardless of women’s genital aesthetics.

And, in Rae’s case, it may be that her partner just isn’t overly confident yet. Limor explains: ‘Confident people take pride in performing oral sex, viewing it as a personal achievement and a source of positive emotions from satisfying their partners… rather than from the act itself.’

But Limor’s most important tip for women, or anyone, in Rae’s position, is to make oral sex about you.

She says: ‘My tip – stop internalising and projecting your own insecurity. Also, make it about you.

‘If you don’t enjoy oral sex, communicate it or instruct your partner how you would like to be pleasured – don’t just reject them.

‘Women put too much emphasis on grooming practices and taste, however the most important factor is good genital hygiene. If there is strong odour it could actually be a sign of an underlying health issue and I would encourage a check up with a health professional.’

So, how can you enhance your experience together to make oral sex more enjoyable?

Enhancing your oral experience can be done through breathwork and kegels (Picture: Getty Images)

Firstly Dr Limor says: ‘Use breathwork to relax the nervous system. Deep, long breaths nourish the vagus nerve, calming the parasympathetic nervous system – countering negative associations.’

Next up is to multitask. ‘Embrace simultaneous stimulation by involving other body parts during oral sex, diversifying input signals for increased arousal,’ she explains.

‘Communicate openly with your partner, providing feedback on what feels good and making adjustments to techniques for a more enjoyable experience.’

If taste is a concern of yours there are ways to address this too. ‘A helpful tip is to use flavoured lube, such as those from brands like System Jo, which offers various tasty options like pineapple or crème brulee.’

The last is a little bit of work outside the bedroom to make sex even more orgasmic. Limor says: ‘Engaging in Kegel exercises during orgasm can enhance the experience by targeting the same muscles involved.

‘This not only intensifies the orgasm but also provides a mental focus, potentially easing overwhelming sensations. Kegels are for everyone, regardless of gender, as everyone has a pelvic floor.’

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