Home Lifestyle ‘Vanilla sex’ is back but missionary doesn’t have to be boring

‘Vanilla sex’ is back but missionary doesn’t have to be boring


Vanilla sex is back (Picture: Getty Images)

When it comes to sex, missionary gets a bad rep.

Sometimes, you don’t always want to manoeuvre yourself into a complicated position – you just want something nice and easy that’ll get the job done.

It’s okay to have familiar favourites that you don’t like to stray from. Whatever works for you – and if that includes the missionary position, then have zero shame.

In fact, vanilla sex is back, baby. A recent Vogue article declared that being ‘beige in bed’ was hot again, referencing the lyrics to Jack Harlow’s TikTok famous song, Vanilla Baby, to prove the point.

So, Metro.co.uk caught up with Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley, a psychologist at conceivingconception.com, to dissect the missionary position, its benefits and how to make the most of it.

What are the benefits of the missionary position?

The missionary position is ideal for all the lovebirds out there who love feeling close together.

‘The face-to-face nature of the missionary position allows for intimacy, as partners can easily make eye contact, kiss, and communicate during the act. This closeness and intimacy facilitated by the missionary position can help partners feel emotionally connected and secure,’ Dr Louise advises.

And if you struggle with pain, missionary is one of the most comfortable as it doesn’t require extensive flexibility or strength.

‘Missionary can be easily modified to accommodate different preferences and needs, such as adjusting leg positions or incorporating pillows for support,’ Louise adds.

How can people get the most out of the missionary position?

If you’re trying missionary as a couple, it’s an ideal position to slow down and focus on building a connection.

‘Discussing feelings, needs, and desires can help partners understand each other better and foster a deeper connection,’ Louise reminds us.

‘So, perhaps sharing sexual fantasies (whilst in position) can be a vulnerable but rewarding experience. It allows couples to explore their desires together and potentially incorporate new elements into their intimate life, enhancing mutual understanding and pleasure.’

Meanwhile, it’s also a prime position to try techniques like edging – and these can actually deepen the pleasure.

‘Taking time to slow down and savour the intimate experience can help couples focus on the present moment and deepen their connection whilst in the missionary position,’ Louise suggests.

‘This can include techniques like edging or simply prioritising emotional intimacy before rushing to the “end.”’

Are there any drawbacks to the missionary position?

As with any sex position, if you constantly refer back to missionary, you might find yourself getting bored over time. So, consider switching it up every now and then (if you fancy.)

‘If the missionary position is the only one used, some couples may find it monotonous or less exciting over time,’ Louise advises.

‘And then, depending on individual physiology, the missionary position may not be the most effective or pleasurable choice for certain couples. For example, it’s not always the easiest position for a woman to achieve orgasm in. 

‘It also may feel more restrictive compared to other positions that allow for greater movement and range of motion. For some, the missionary position may place pressure on joints, especially the lower back and knees, potentially causing discomfort or pain for extended periods.’

Are we seeing so-called ‘vanilla sex’ make a comeback?

If you’ll pardon the pun – ‘vanilla sex’ is making a huge comeback. But, as Dr Louise reminds us, while there’s nothing wrong with liking things that are more conventional, it’s important to remember that kinks and fetishes that are considered a little more ‘unusual’ are valid too.

‘While there’s nothing inherently wrong with preferring more conventional, “vanilla” sexual experiences, it’s important to recognise that everyone has different preferences and desires,’ Louise says.

‘But we are seeing a shift in the conversation, with people challenging the idea that “vanilla sex” is somehow lesser or less satisfying than kinky or BDSM practices. 

‘Ultimately, it’s about respecting individual choices and fostering open communication between partners to ensure that everyone feels fulfilled and respected in their intimate lives.’

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