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I don’t want kids, I want to have sex with my husband on edibles

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‘I like my life as it is…’ (Picture: Getty)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Claire*, a 33-year-old digital marketer, who lives between Greenwich, London and Cape Town, South Africa.

She’s happily married to her husband of six years, but discovered in lockdown that she is bisexual.

‘I spent my teenage and university years convinced that the flutters I felt for women were just envy,’ Claire says. ‘It wasn’t until the pandemic where I watched a TikTok about bisexuality not being a 50/50 split between attraction to men and women.

‘It fluctuates, like 5/95 or 30/70, and I started realising just how into women I am.’

Claire raised this with her husband in 2020. ‘He was very supportive of my realisation that I’m bi, but initially didn’t like the idea of me acting on it,’ she says.

‘After a few months, he said he’d be interested in me experimenting outside the marriage with women. When I asked if he wanted to be involved, he said maybe one day, but the idea of it is hot enough for him for now.’

Claire isn’t interested in dating anyone and hasn’t experimented with a woman as of yet, although she and her husband also experiment in other ways: with edibles.

Her and her husband’s sex is ‘fun, healthy and lets off steam’, especially when they get high. ‘I’d like my sex life to be this good when I’m old,’ Claire says.

Without further ado, here’s how Claire got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

My husband and I started working remotely during COVID and we figured out that the best stress reliever in the workday is a quickie.

It takes 20 minutes, roughly the time it would otherwise take to make and enjoy a cup of tea.

It’s a bit of a workout, an orgasm also alleviates tension and lifts our moods, and we sometimes treat it as an incentive. Today, we set ourselves a target of how much work we both need to get through in order to have our quickie. You’d be amazed how fast I can clear my inbox when I get to hop into bed between meetings.

We have a working deal that any time the other feels up to it, we pop into the other’s workspace and suggest it. Sometimes I’ll clack the laptop closed and come running, and sometimes I’ll be deep in the weeds of a project and ask for an hour’s delay. Or I’ll say I’m not in the mood, but that’s pretty rare.

I’m mid-way through a client proposal when my husband pops his head in for another proposal. He holds up a vibrator and buzzes it suggestively. The client proposal can wait.

Half an hour later, I’m back at my desk, a bit out of breath and utterly distracted. I definitely should have finished this proposal first.

Tuesday

I’m a bit bored during a lull in work, so I pull open the hook-up app I’ve chosen and aimlessly browse through who’s in my area.

Quite a few couples are looking for a third, but I would much prefer being with a solo woman. It’s quite difficult to find someone who seems like a good fit, since I have such unique circumstances.

Having my husband trust me so much and knowing he’s aroused by me being turned on by women is really attractive.

Thinking about it now during the workday is… distracting. But he’s out of town today so alas, it’s me and my toys.

I do a bit of gardening – we grow a lot of our own herbs and vegetables, so I add some extra soil, some fertiliser and pull away any dead leaves and branches.

In the evening I binge The Bear (late to the party but I love it so much).

Wednesday

The more sex we have, the more I want. For a few years, we had some dry spells and getting back into it felt kind of tough to do. But, now that we have sex regularly, I find I can’t go more than a few days without it – except days like today where I’m panicking about work.

I’m really frazzled after getting some bad feedback on one of my projects. Sometimes sex is a good distraction from work stress but, on days like today, it’s the furthest thing from my mind.

My husband is totally understanding and doesn’t make any kinds of sexual proposals today. Instead, he offers me a foot rub and makes me as many cups of tea as I ask for.

He offers to get curry from our favourite spot for dinner as a pick-me-up. I count my lucky stars that this is the man I’ll grow old with.

Thursday

Today is a slow start. Neither of us has much to do this morning, so we enjoy a lie-in. I wake up before my husband and kill time by scrolling through Instagram and making a grocery shopping list with ideas for the next week.

He mumbles that he’s awake and scoots across to spoon me from behind. He’s hard in the morning, like usual, but unlike most mornings where we’ve got work to get to, I decide to capitalise on it, rolling over to wrap my arms around him.

I do a quick check that I remembered to take my pill last night. We have been talking about him getting a vasectomy since we’ve decided we don’t want children.

I find it attractive that he’s as committed to remaining child-free as I am. We love our life and don’t really want anything to change – except maybe, more women in the picture.

He moves on top of me and I find myself wondering if sex with a woman could possibly feel this good. Seconds later, I forget about women entirely and focus only on him.

Afterwards, we shower and have a long breakfast before getting to work. Remote working has its perks.

Friday

It’s a weekend night, which means edibles are on the cards.

We got into edibles in our 20s, since we don’t enjoy smoking. Usually, weed edibles just make us sleepy but we’ve learned to time it right and enjoy the heightened sensations it provides. When we’re high, food tastes better, so we figured sex must surely feel better too.

Initially, we weren’t sure how it would work out since men’s sexual performance is sometimes a bit lacklustre while drunk, but this isn’t the case at all with weed.

They just mellow us out so nicely that it’s much easier to focus on the sensations of one’s body and tap into sensations for the sake of pleasure, rather than trying to finish. Edibles also warp senses of time, so it’ll feel like you’ve been in bed for hours, when actually it hasn’t been that long at all.

We chomp down on our weed brownies. I don’t love the taste of edibles, so I chase it with a bite of normal chocolate. Then, we wait an hour, so it starts to kick in and once it does, we turn on our mood lighting and strip down.

Compared to the quickies we prefer during the week, high sex is much slower (or maybe it just feels that way since it plays with time perception).

Everything feels better, your nerves are alight, in an electric way. I used to worry orgasms would be few and far between while high but we’re well-versed in it all now and it’s as explosive as I’ve come to expect. Afterwards, we fall asleep almost instantly.

Saturday

I think I might go to a gay club tonight. Apps are fun to browse but, since I met my husband before dating apps existed, I always feel a bit like a fish out of water.

To be fair, I feel that way when I go to gay clubs too. The last time I went to one, there was a gorgeous girl with a septum ring (I didn’t even know those did it for me but hey), who held my hands while we danced. I found out she was in her early 20s though, and got the ick.

At 33, the youngest age I think I could be with is maybe 30. Where are the 30-year-old women who don’t want relationships and are interested in experimenting with married women with supportive husbands?

I get so bloody intimidated by the whole thing. I’ve slept with men my whole life. I know exactly what I’m doing with them.

If I even got the chance to be with a woman, I’m scared I’ll be petrified and freeze up. Or I’ll try, but be atrocious in bed. I chicken out of heading to a gay club after hearing that some people I know are going.

I’m not interested in answering questions about cheating on my husband, when it’s not cheating if he’s cheering me on. But I’m also not opening that can of worms with friends. What happens in my marriage is private.

Sunday

After feeling a bit let down about the whole ‘will I die before so much as kissing a woman?’ thing yesterday, my husband and I opt for a bit of a green day today.

Instead of waiting until after dinner to enjoy our brownies, we decide to eat them in the afternoon. We make sure all the standard weekend chores are out of the way, I head to the gym for a HIIT class, shower, then we chow down and wait for it to kick in.

We decide to put on some lo-fi music since it sounds even better when we’re high and chilling out. With the best of intentions, we plan for high sex again but we get distracted with reels.

His algorithm spits out food videos whereas mine is mostly cats and their crazy antics. I go find our cat, Mr Potatohead or Potato for short, and stroke his fur since it feels so therapeutic.

I fall asleep early and wake up to the effects wearing off. We order a pizza and curl up to watch reruns of our favourite sitcoms. I make a mental note to order more brownies, since we only have a couple more in the fridge.

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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.


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